Decisions
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: After five years working with Gibbs, something happens that makes Stan think about moving on and he goes to Ducky for advice. Oneshot written for the NFA Random Generator Challenge. Set pre-series.


**A/N:** Written for the NFA Random Generator Challenge. I love Stan Burley. He is my favorite of all the recurring characters. If he were a regular, my love for him might even outrank my love for Tim. :) This is a oneshot about the circumstances in which Stan left Gibbs' team before the series began. I use a piece of fanon characterization that I first came up with in T.A.D., an earlier story. Based on a conversation between Stan and Gibbs in _High Seas_, I decided that Stan suffers from panic attacks and has done since he was in high school. It's not canon. I just like it; so I use it. :)

**Disclaimer:** As always, I do not own NCIS and I'm not making money from this story.

* * *

**Decisions  
**by Enthusiastic Fish

Ducky was focusing on finishing up with the most recent resident of Autopsy. He'd sent Gerald home. It was late and he had little for his assistant to do besides ignore him. Ducky was aware that Gerald didn't spend much time listening to his stories, but that was all right. He had proved that he was aware of the important things. That was what mattered.

Late as it was, he expected to have all the time he wanted to himself. This wasn't one of Gibbs' cases; so it wouldn't keep _him_ in the building. Besides, with Stan's ongoing injury, the team was shorthanded and Morrow had made the decision to wait to reinstate Stan until he had a clean bill of health...and because of Gibbs' extreme reaction. What he'd done to apprehend the man who had nearly killed his teammate had bordered on illegal. All in all, there was some tension in the bullpen of late, but it was starting to ebb with Gibbs not being there all the time and Stan soon to be returning.

Ducky would be glad when it was over and they could go back to ignoring some of Gibbs' more dangerous tendencies.

"Yes, there has been much upheaval in the floors above our heads," he said to the corpse. "There are times when one wonders about why things are the way they are. You, at least, will feel no such chaos. Your death, while tragic, is much more easily dealt with in it own way. You may rest assured that Agent Lovitz will not allow injustice to occur."

The door behind him opened. Ducky didn't look up, although the faltering tread clued him in on who it was.

"It's very late," he said.

"You're still here."

"Indeed, I am, but you aren't supposed to be, Stan."

Ducky straightened and turned.

Stan was standing there, still bearing the marks of the savage beating that could have killed him. Two months had been enough to get him on his feet again, but the scars had not yet faded.

"I'm not here to work, Ducky."

"Good. If you were, I'd send you right back home. Find a chair and sit if you insist on staying."

Stan looked around and found a chair. He sank down on it gratefully. Ducky could see that there was something needing to be said. So he quickly finished up, whispered an apology to the corpse and stored it in a drawer. Then, he turned back.

"What is it, Stan?"

Stan fidgeted a little without answering.

"A panic attack?"

Stan smiled. "No. Nothing like that."

"Then, what?"

He took a breath and looked up. "Ducky, I heard about what Gibbs did."

"From whom?"

"Morrow. I heard some things and asked Gibbs. He wouldn't answer me. So I asked Morrow."

"You don't like it."

"No!" Stan said loudly. "No...I don't like it. Gibbs could have killed those guys. He almost did."

"They almost killed you."

"Yeah, they did, but...but, Ducky, that's why there are _laws_. Gibbs...he sets aside the laws anytime he wants and that's not right."

Ducky smiled sympathetically. "This isn't the first time, Stan. You've seen him step over the line before."

"Yeah, but...but never with me as the excuse." Stan shifted in his seat. "You know me, Ducky. I don't like to make waves. I don't like to...to make a big deal out of things. It's better for _me_ if everything stays calm. I can't ignore this. I can't pretend that I don't know what he did and why he did it. Those guys are scum. I'm glad they're in custody. They need to be...but Gibbs almost killed them. I owe him too much to confront him about it. I just don't know if I can stay here, come to work every day and know...what he did."

Ducky could see how serious Stan was.

"Would you really leave here, Stan? Just to avoid that? After five years working with Gibbs, would you really just leave?"

To his surprise, Stan nodded.

"Yeah, I would. Gibbs has taught me pretty much everything I know. He's taken me from a know-nothing to a good agent. He showed me what I really wanted instead of all the aimless wandering I'd _been_ doing before coming here. ...but I've also seen what he's done wrong. Most of the time, I could look away and not notice it. I can't this time. I can't look away, and I can't not notice. I saw something in Gibbs' eyes I don't ever want to see there again, but if something else happens...I will. I don't want to lose my respect for Gibbs."

"And you think you will?"

"If I see this kind of thing happen again, yeah. Morrow offered me a team lead. In San Diego."

"San Diego?" Ducky repeated. "You want to get _that _far away?"

"I don't know. That's the decision I have to make, Ducky. I have to decide if what I want is enough to get me away from here. I'll miss you and Abby and Gerald."

"And Gibbs?"

"And Gibbs."

"It sounds like you've already made the decision, Stan. It doesn't sound like you're trying to decide."

"What does it sound like, then?"

"Like you're trying to justify it, and you don't need to, not to me."

"I will to Gibbs. He doesn't like things to change. He's already had too much of the negative change. He doesn't like it."

"Does anyone?"

Stan laughed a little. "No. No one does."

"Including you. This is a negative change you've seen in Gibbs and you don't like it."

"No, I don't."

"So you're really going to leave, then?"

Stan took another breath and let it out.

"Yeah, I think so. This is going to eat at me, Ducky. I just don't think I can stick it out here anymore."

"Far be it from me to dissuade you from something you feel is necessary. What are you going to tell Gibbs?"

Stan smiled. "I'm open for suggestions. I don't want to tell him that I'm leaving because of what he did. ...but you can't lie to Gibbs. He'll know."

"He may not even ask. He may already realize that he went over the line too far."

"I'm skeptical, Duck."

"You're usually much more upbeat, Stan."

"I'm usually not nursing three broken ribs and considering changing the course of my career."

Ducky pulled his chair over beside Stan patted him gently on the back. It was a good sign that Stan didn't wince at the contact. He'd been much worse only a week before.

"Is this what you want, Stan?"

"Not exactly. What I really want is to go back in time and pick different stupid door to knock on. I had no idea they were in there. All I thought I was doing was checking up on neighbors."

"Well, you can't blame yourself for that, Stan. Perhaps it was meant to be."

"I don't really want to be in charge of a team, Ducky. But...well, Morrow's been after me to move up for about a year now."

"Has he? You've kept very mum on that," Ducky said with a smile.

"I don't want to lead a team, but maybe this will be good for me."

"You're getting worked up again. You don't want to leave here on that kind of note."

"A panic attack note? No, I don't."

"That's another part of the reason you're leaving, isn't it."

"Gibbs is pretty good about it, but I can't guarantee that this wouldn't make me more likely to have them."

"All in all, it sounds like your decision is the best one for you. When will you make your decision...officially?"

"Morrow told me that I have to say yes or no by next week, but they wouldn't transfer me until I'm fully recovered."

"Then, we'd have time to say good-bye officially."

"I'd rather slip out the backdoor."

"That doesn't sound like a feature of a team lead."

"Like I said, it's not really what I want."

"What _do_ you want, then?"

"I'm not sure. I love NCIS. I don't want to go anywhere else, but...I don't know."

"You have time to figure it out, Stan, and even if I don't want you to leave, I'm happy for your promotion and I hope you do find where you really want to be."

"If I do, I'm never leaving it. They'll have to drag me out, kicking and screaming."

Ducky laughed and stood up. He put out his hand and helped Stan stand. Then, they both headed for the door, at the slow pace dictated by Stan's injuries.

"I think I'd like to see that, Stan."

Stan laughed as well.

"But, before you go, you do have to let me educate you on the finer rules of cricket. It's just not right that someone as athletic as you hasn't ever had the privilege of watching a match."

"Okay. Before I go."

"Good. Now, go home and rest...before you have to tell Gibbs that you're leaving."

Stan groaned.

"You can't avoid it, and you know he'll support you in the end."

"Maybe."

"No, he will, and if you leave him on a good note, then, you'll always have him at your back when you need him."

Stan smiled. "I can't even fathom calling on Gibbs to come and help me do my job."

"It could happen, and when it does, he'll be there."

"Yeah, I know."

"So...decision made?"

Stan looked at Autopsy and then at Ducky and he nodded.

"Decision made. Thanks for listening."

"My pleasure. Good luck, Stan."

"Thanks, Ducky."

Ducky thought about going back to his autopsy, but he decided that it would be best to leave with Stan. He could see the ambivalence Stan felt about leaving a place he'd been for the last five years, but he could also see that it was necessary. And Gibbs would see that, too.

Stan was moving on, but there would always be that connection, no matter _who_ took his place.

FINIS!


End file.
